The Body Beneath

“As it turns out, incest isn't even a game for a family of vampires to play and so the ceturies-old residents of London's Carfax Abbey are having some procreational difficulties. Unless they can procure some new blood (literally) the ''Rev. Ford'' (Gavin Reed) and his toothy flock are facing extinction. They might have hope, though, in the form of the affianced ''Susan' (Jackie Skarvellis) and fiancé ''Paul'' (Richmond Ross). If they can turn them into a snack then that might at least sustain them long enough to set off for the new world where there are lots of burger-filled Americans to restore their failing blood Count. What chance the loved-up Londoners can thwart the scheming plot from this ostensibly charming vicar and his equally smiling lady-friends in his congregation? No, there is nothing remotely new about any of this and to be honest I kept seeing Robin Nedwell every time Reed came on set - and therefore expected some half-baked phnaa phnaa comedy to ensue afterwards. There is a slightly soft-porn look to this too - which seemed there because it could be, and the only acting of note came from Berwick Kaler as the mistreated factotum ''Spool'' (think a little of the Dickensian ''Smike'') who engendered just an hint of sympathy from a cast of others whom I thought would all prove just as chewy to digest as the script was to hear. There is a distinct lack of gore throughout, with barely even an hint of ketchup staining the proceedings and though it is quite short there just isn't anything like enough happening to keep it interesting.”