Mission Stardust

“I was actually half expecting Lionel Jeffries to emerge in this truly daft, but oddly enjoyable, sci-fi yarn. His namesake Lang ("Maj. Rhodan") is tasked with leading a top secret mission to the moon. Upon arrival, his team must try to assist a visiting alien "Crest" (John Karlsen) who has leukaemia and his fellow traveller, the rather mean "Thora" (Essy Persson). They must get him treated back on Earth whilst avoiding killer robots and an even meaner fifth-column operation designed to eliminate both visitors. The effects are basic and pretty rotten, though still fun to watch; the robots about as menacing as a wet haddock and the dialogue - well that's straight off a corn flake box. It's just about as derivative as any film you will ever watch - it's an amalgam of half a dozen other stories that ensures there's not one scintilla of originality, apart from, perhaps, some new functions on the remote control and a flying jeep! It's way, way too long and the score is synthesised to within an inch of it's life. It is not the worst, but you can see that clearly from here...”