The 7 Adventures of Sinbad

“Now if you are expecting anything even vaguely mystical, set in a desert or for Jake Gyllenhaal to come chasing an ostrich then you are - as I was - going to be sadly disappointed. We start with some pirates trying to hijack a sophisticated oil tanker. The owner - "Adrian Sinbad" (Patrick Muldoon) races to the rescue but a combination of a great sea beast and a storm land them all on an uncharted island where he must resolve the eponymous challenges, hopefully before the tanker - now on the seabed - ruptures one hundred-odd million gallons of oil. It's just a mess this. The CGI is rubbish, the plot lurches from one vaguely contrived story to another with giant crabs, a witch doctor and - well I think you can guess by now. It's ninety minutes that I will never get back so all I can say is don't bother - even if you are related to one of the actors!”