Tell Me How I Die

“Tell Me How I Die only has two problems: the title and the premise, which remind me, respectively, of I Know Who Killed Me and Final Destination — in other words, I haven’t even seen it and I already have bad memories of it. Broke college student Anna Nichols (Virginia Gardner) has the dubious "gift" of correctly predicting what drink someone is going to order at a bar, and whether or not they are of drinking age (e.g., “Manhattan and a fake ID.” Elsewhere, Dr. Jerrems (William Mapother) has been working on A9913, a formula to enhance memory "up to 300%." The good doctor needs guinea pigs just like Anna; that is, young and attractive — this isn’t a clinical trial; it’s a casting call. I’m aware that you can’t make a Dead Teenager Movie without teenagers (i.e., actors on the wrong side of their 20s). On the other hand, unless this is a drug for very early-onset Alzheimer’s disease, the age range of the group makes zero sense. Moreover, there is exactly one (1) Asian participant; the rest are as white as the tip of Tony Montana’s nose. All things considered, not a very representative sample. Anyway, Anna begins to "remember the future," specifically, the deaths of her co-guinea pigs. Are these visions real, or as fake as the CGI snow falling outside the lab? Only hardcore iCarly fans who idolized Nathan Kress, who plays Anna's romantic interest, will be able to sustain enough interest to find out the answer to that question.”